Sorry, Siri – It’s Over.

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In March, I went all-in with Siri at home via two HomePods.

Fast-forward three months, and we’ve had enough; it’s about to be replaced.

This wasn’t the plan – I wanted to switch wholesale to Siri at home. By replacing our existing Amazon Echo devices with a HomePod and a HomePod mini, I felt like I’d finally be giving Apple’s digital assistant a proper chance.

It didn’t take long for things to unravel, and the replacement has unexpectedly shown up, giving me no choice but to ditch Siri for its arch-rival (or, at least, one of them).

But, I have a plan, and I know what Apple needs to do to get me back on side with its digital assistant.

We tried (no, really, we really did)

I’d forgive you for assuming that I’ve got something against Siri and that its fate was sealed long before those HomePods entered my house. I have, after all, like so many people, been rather disparaging of Apple’s assistant in the past.

I genuinely wanted this to work, though. As I’ve often said, I’m fully ensconced in the Apple ecosystem, and it makes total sense to use Siri more wholesomely at home. In particular, the ability to tap, unhindered, into Apple Music and interact with other services within my little Apple universe was an exciting prospect.

It started off ok, too. The big HomePod sounds great, looks lovely, and reacted fairly well to our first few requests.

Then, it all went horribly wrong.

The two most irritating facets of attempting to put Siri to use at home are a lack of hearing and understanding. ‘Our’ Siri appears to be particularly impacted by both afflictions. Responses take forever to arrive and, when they do, they’re often incorrect or lazily handed off to a Google search. Sometimes, she doesn’t respond at all, leaving anything more than a gradually fading swirl of colour on the top display.

Oh, and there’s the infuriating “sorry, I’m not sure I understand” response when all you’ve done is ask for a five-minute timer.

Another issue we’ve run into is with the big HomePod regularly losing its internet connection. Whether or not we have a faulty unit I have no idea, but there was no such issue when it was installed at my studio and nothing else in the house struggles to maintain a connection to our super-fast WiFi.

I also hate the way HomePod users are denied the ability to easily call up radio stations – particularly the BBC’s roster of channels in the UK. There’s an incredibly specific bunch of words you have to string together in a very specific order for it to work and I’ve only managed it once. And, no, I didn’t note it down. Because I shouldn’t have to.

Time’s up, I’m afraid, Siri. I’m genuinely sad that we couldn’t make it work.

Hey, Google Pixel Tablet!

I’m currently travelling in the US, but I’ve had some good news from home: Google has sent me the Pixel Tablet to review.

What happens next wasn’t the original plan. In fact, I was ready to swap out Siri for the Sonos Era system I currently have installed at the studio. That way, we’d retain great audio at home but swap an utterly useless personal assistant for one which actually works (Alexa, if you’re wondering).

Fortuitously for Google, the Pixel Tablet has stepped in at just the right time. Thus the aforementioned Sonos Era speakers will remain at the studio while I replace “hey Siri” with “hey Google at home. Yes, it’s yet another digital housemate my girlfriend has no choice but to adopt, but I have a feeling we’re all going to get along just fine.

I’ve never used Google’s digital assistant to any meaningful degree. I’ve played with it on Android devices, but only briefly. By installing the Pixel Tablet (complete with its clever charging speaker dock) at home, I’m throwing myself and my family into a world of ‘big G’ digital assistance. And I can’t wait to see what the experience is like, because the reports from those who are already using Google stuff in this way are very favourable.

I’ll be reporting back soon with a full review of the Pixel Tablet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it’ll spend longer in the house than the three months managed by Siri.

What Apple needs to do with Siri

It’s been so long, hasn’t it? Why is Siri still universally despised? Why hasn’t Apple figured out a way to make it better? Why is it always conspicuous by its absence during WWDC (can you remember the last time Siri was mentioned during Apple’s biggest event of the year?).

The solution is simple, from the outside, although I have no doubt that it’s a bigger technical challenge than we can imagine.

Siri just needs to start working properly.

Answer promptly. Provide answers that don’t fall back onto a Google search. Remove the teeth-grindingly annoying multi-device problem which results in your AirPods answering a “hey Siri” call when you’re standing next to a HomePod.

Just make it work, Tim. Please.

I have nothing more to say other than the fact that my two HomePods will be transferred to the studio once the Pixel Tablet is in situ. I feel my place of work is a far more appropriate testing ground for Apple’s snail’s pace development in digital home assistance.

It’ll give my girlfriend a break, at least.